Release to Keep

I came across a very nice article. Well, actually this particular columnist is one of my favorites. I always look forward to Sunstar Daily Newspaper's Sunday issues because of Ms. Evelyn Luab's Light Sunday Column.

She always write great articles on things we take for granted - - - values, old fashioned chivalry, traditions and great things once practiced and now became just a part of the myths and legends that our grandparents talk about in bed time stories. Her articles serves as one of my guides in my day to day tasks and a compass in parenthood that I may instill good example to my son so that someday he will become a responsible person who can be of service to society.

Here is one of those great articles she has written about....

Release to Keep

Evelyn Luab
Light Sunday
Sunstar Daily, June 10, 2007

I was handling a group on value formation last Friday, June 1, and several eyebrows went up when I said, "Trust entails releasing a person in order to keep him."

One lady said, "No ma'am, he will abuse and will forever roam." I smiled at her and asked, "What do you intend to do? Be his bodyguard? Go with him wherever he strays? She gave me a very loud, "Yes."

I guess that's the reaction of most Filipino wives who do not know any better. However, believe me, removing the handcuffs of suspicion and doubt will work wonders instead.

I said, "Wives have to invest patience, pain and determination. Keep the house tension-free." Do not angrily ask, "Where have you been?," if he comes home late. Ask instead if he has eaten and immediately serve him supper. If he stubbornly insists he has no appetite, have ready a cool glass of juice, which usually is accepted. Regale him with a beautiful news of the day; make him laugh! (Even if your heart is breaking!)

A very loud "I won't It would seem that he won the jackpot! My answer was a surprise to her I said, "Yes eventually he will win back his family through you. That indeed would be the jackpot!" After an hour or so with the group, experiences from other wives proved my assumption to be worthwhile.

Even with friends, we must not cling. We have to give our friends (especially close friends) enough space to breathe and to be herself. Bernard of Clairvaux said: "You can reach me still, whenever you wish if you are content to find me as I am, not as you wish me to be." We all have friends in varying degrees of friendship. We love them, too, in many ways. However, isn't it nice to know that even if we do not see our friend for ages, we know that the next time we meet, the bonds of friendship have not changed and the bliss of seeing each other again can warm our hearts so much?

Platonic friendships can exist between men and women, but only if there is enough space between them. Otherwise, there is no such animal as a platonic friendship. A friend becomes close to because of his endearing qualities. In the same way a man will gravitate towards us ladies because of the qualities he likes in us. Friendship is never static. It grows or it dies. Keeping enough space is needed in order for friendship to remain platonic, vital and wholesome.

Some of my very good friends are male. Their wives are my friends too. Most of my friends still come from Tinaan, where I grew up, from UP Diliman where I spent the best years of my college life and some of my teaching life.

My husband was my best friend. In the early days of our married life, he was a travelling drug representative. He was away from home 22 days of each month. That required a lot of trust in both our parts. When we finally decided to set up our own business that, too, entailed a lot of time focused on something else besides ourselves. Im not saying we had no problems. Like every normal husband and wife relationship, we all go through this gamut of insecurity of the necessity of wanting to be "bankable" still, of wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

However, it is a wise man or a wise woman who will let attraction remain an attraction and nothing else! Trust is really the strength of friendship, the pillar of a solid family life. Giving space to each other is the fertilizer which makes the garden of married life grow and bloom.