A Date With Destiny

I was talking to a family friend together with my mother and my sister-in-law. This lady friend is still single and very much available. She is an attractive lady and a very interesting person too.

She suddenly pops The Question, "How did you know that your husband is the right person for you?" "Would you know right away if you are destined to marry the person who dated with?" We gave her the same affirmative answer but in three different perspectives.

My mother answered her that yes you would know if the person is the right one for you. But knowing it takes time and a lot of hard work for both man and woman. Naturally, it is attraction that leads a person towards another. If the attraction lasts long enough for one to be interested in the other one must take time to get to know each other. Then one must decide if he or she is the right one. If not, it wouldn't hurt to just keep the relationship on a friendly level and move on to find the right person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

My sister-in law said yes somehow she had an intuition that my brother is the one for her but she did not took this feeling as the basis for marrying him right away. Like my mother, she too took the time to prove if her intuition is correct. She took the time to really get to know the person she is going to marry someday.

In my case, when I first saw my husband I knew right away that he is the one for me. Unlike them I never bothered to take the time out to get to know him or even took the initiative to at least socialize. I just let fate take its course and fate did took upon its hand to have both our path meet. I am just glad fate did not gave up on me. There were a lot of instances that my husband and I could hit it off right away but I just somehow missed that opportunity. I always thought that if its meant to be its meant to be.

Instances like, we bump into each other in the movie theater. But shy as I am I just said "hey there" and went on to find my seat and not giving him a chance to utter another word. We go to the same fitness center to workout and even have the same schedule! Coincidence? maybe. We even go to the same ice cream parlor on Fridays, except that I didn't notice he goes there too. He later told me after we got married that he always saw me at the ice cream shop but he didn't bother saying hello since I seemed to ignore him whenever he did so. Fate gave us a lot of opportunities for about 4 years until one night Fate came into the form of a friend that my husband and I have in common. He was the one who literally pulled both of us together to hang out. I guess Fate has grown tired of me not taking the courage to meet the man of my dreams. The rest was history. I married the man of my dreams and we are blessed with a wonderful son.

Shaken Baby Syndrome

A lot of us are unaware of how fragile babies are. When we play with our babies we tend to over do it. We thought that it is alright to throw baby in the air when we are playing with him or jiggle him just to make him laugh.

There are a lot of cases of babies having died of Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) probably becasue a lot of people are unaware of the dangers of shaking a child.



Why It Is Dangerous To Shake A Baby Or A Child:

• Babies and small children have:

• weak necks
• large disproportionate heads
• fragile brain tissue and blood vessels

• Injuries include:

• internal damage and bleeding (called subdural hemorrhage or hematoma)
  
• brain swelling
• blindness
• hearing loss and speech impairment
• spinal, neck or rib injuries, bone fractures
• weak motor skills, learning disabilities and other developmental delays
• seizures
• coma
• death (happens in 1 in 4 babies who suffer from Shaken Baby Syndrome)

The damage is even greater when the shaking ends with an impact (hitting a wall or a crib mattress, for example), because the forces of acceleration and deceleration associated with an impact are so strong.

Impaired For Life:

Even a few seconds of shaking can injure a baby for life even if there are no obvious signs of injury. Some very subtle symptoms include: lethargy, weakness, excessive sleepiness, and loss of appetite. You may also notice breathing problems, vomiting and seizures.

Dealing With "Baby Frustration:"

Feelings of desperation and anger drive some parents to shake their babies in a last-ditch effort to get them to stop crying. But the result - a real tragedy - is often severe, permanent brain damage, even death. Before you get to the point where shaking feels like a solution, get help. Your baby's doctor is a good place to start.

If you're growing frustrated with your baby's incessant crying, put him in a crib or playpen and leave the room at once. Sit down, close your eyes and relax by counting from 1 to 20.

Immediately ask another adult to take over the baby's care. If no one can help you, try to think of a logical reason why the baby's upset. Remember babies cry for a reason. It is their way of communication. Ask yourself the following:

• Is he sick? Maybe he has colic? If he does, have your doctor check the baby.
• Are his clothes uncomfortable? Are his clothes constricting his movement? Is his clothing too hot/warm for him or is he cold?
• Is his nappy or diaper wet?
• Is he hungry?

Another thing to be careful of when caring for baby is falling or dropping. Even a short distance of 3 feet on to a padded surface can cause similar symptoms and injuries to SBS. Make sure that there is someone keeping an eye of baby AT ALL TIMES.

Release to Keep

I came across a very nice article. Well, actually this particular columnist is one of my favorites. I always look forward to Sunstar Daily Newspaper's Sunday issues because of Ms. Evelyn Luab's Light Sunday Column.

She always write great articles on things we take for granted - - - values, old fashioned chivalry, traditions and great things once practiced and now became just a part of the myths and legends that our grandparents talk about in bed time stories. Her articles serves as one of my guides in my day to day tasks and a compass in parenthood that I may instill good example to my son so that someday he will become a responsible person who can be of service to society.

Here is one of those great articles she has written about....

Release to Keep

Evelyn Luab
Light Sunday
Sunstar Daily, June 10, 2007

I was handling a group on value formation last Friday, June 1, and several eyebrows went up when I said, "Trust entails releasing a person in order to keep him."

One lady said, "No ma'am, he will abuse and will forever roam." I smiled at her and asked, "What do you intend to do? Be his bodyguard? Go with him wherever he strays? She gave me a very loud, "Yes."

I guess that's the reaction of most Filipino wives who do not know any better. However, believe me, removing the handcuffs of suspicion and doubt will work wonders instead.

I said, "Wives have to invest patience, pain and determination. Keep the house tension-free." Do not angrily ask, "Where have you been?," if he comes home late. Ask instead if he has eaten and immediately serve him supper. If he stubbornly insists he has no appetite, have ready a cool glass of juice, which usually is accepted. Regale him with a beautiful news of the day; make him laugh! (Even if your heart is breaking!)

A very loud "I won't It would seem that he won the jackpot! My answer was a surprise to her I said, "Yes eventually he will win back his family through you. That indeed would be the jackpot!" After an hour or so with the group, experiences from other wives proved my assumption to be worthwhile.

Even with friends, we must not cling. We have to give our friends (especially close friends) enough space to breathe and to be herself. Bernard of Clairvaux said: "You can reach me still, whenever you wish if you are content to find me as I am, not as you wish me to be." We all have friends in varying degrees of friendship. We love them, too, in many ways. However, isn't it nice to know that even if we do not see our friend for ages, we know that the next time we meet, the bonds of friendship have not changed and the bliss of seeing each other again can warm our hearts so much?

Platonic friendships can exist between men and women, but only if there is enough space between them. Otherwise, there is no such animal as a platonic friendship. A friend becomes close to because of his endearing qualities. In the same way a man will gravitate towards us ladies because of the qualities he likes in us. Friendship is never static. It grows or it dies. Keeping enough space is needed in order for friendship to remain platonic, vital and wholesome.

Some of my very good friends are male. Their wives are my friends too. Most of my friends still come from Tinaan, where I grew up, from UP Diliman where I spent the best years of my college life and some of my teaching life.

My husband was my best friend. In the early days of our married life, he was a travelling drug representative. He was away from home 22 days of each month. That required a lot of trust in both our parts. When we finally decided to set up our own business that, too, entailed a lot of time focused on something else besides ourselves. Im not saying we had no problems. Like every normal husband and wife relationship, we all go through this gamut of insecurity of the necessity of wanting to be "bankable" still, of wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

However, it is a wise man or a wise woman who will let attraction remain an attraction and nothing else! Trust is really the strength of friendship, the pillar of a solid family life. Giving space to each other is the fertilizer which makes the garden of married life grow and bloom.

The Great Nappy Challenge

Being a first time parent is quiet a challenging role most especially when you are the one taking care of your bundle of joy.



When I got pregnant my husband and I decided that I take a break from work and concentrate on the care giving side. I also wanted to know what it feels like being a mother who has to take care of the baby 24/7. I thought it would just be a piece of cake. Having watched my mother raise my younger siblings splendidly, I thought what could be so hard besides the baby cant even lift its head let alone move fast enough or do some things that would wreak havoc.



Having to constantly clean, care and maintain the navel free from infection until its stump falls off is already a heart-stopping activity. You should have seen me panic like a wretched freak calling the pediatrician when the stump finally fell off. Boy that is one scary experience for me. By the way, my baby is fine when his navel's stump or cord drops off because that was just a natural thing to happen. No biggy.



Another challenging thing posed before me is the nappy changing time. But before that I was in a major dilemma as to what type of diaper I should buy. Should I buy the cloth or the disposable type. If I choose to buy the cloth type I would be doing nature a favor because I helped reduced the consumption of wood pulp, reduce deforestation, and lessen the clogging of landfills. I also have to take into consideration the type of cleaning aid I have to use in washing the cloth nappies. I have to make sure that it does not irritate my baby's sensitive skin and don't pollute the water as well. Choosing cloth nappies is fine. It reduces our expenses but it consumes a lot of my time washing soiled nappies. Boy! the small bundle of joy could produce a huge bundle of laundry. I am just talking about the nappies.



Sleep deprived as I am I maintained myself to stay focused, have a positive disposition and enjoy motherhood. So I decided to switch to disposable diapers. In this way I have more time for other things like sleep, play with my baby, feed him, sleep, do the chores and sleep. It pains me to think that I am destroying mother nature by helping add more garbage and destroying those poor innocent trees. But I do want to keep my sanity and get somethings done otherwise my house would become a pile of garbage and that would be bad for my baby.



Disposable nappies is indeed convenient and absorbs more fluid than the cloth counterpart. Does that sound like coming from a nappy commercial? Disposable diapers can seem dry because they absorb moisture well but still need changing about as often as cloth. This really but a significant weight on our budget. But it gave me a bit of a time for a cat nap.



Changing nappy depends on on how often the baby wets or pees and whenever he has a bowel movement. It is very important to change baby's nappy as soon as it is wet otherwise the ammonia content of the urine will give baby a rash once it becomes in contact with the skin. Before you put on a fresh nappy make sure that you air dry first baby's skin otherwise baby will still get that rash. No need to wash the baby when changing a wet nappy. Don't forget to wash your hands once your done changing diapers in order to prevent the spread of harmful germs.



Whenever there is a bowel movement, it is important to wipe from front to back especially if your baby is a girl. Girls are prone to infection if not cleaned properly. For my son, and for other baby boys, put a spare nappy loosely or a clean cloth over the penis until your ready to fasten the nappy; this will keep you from getting sprayed if he urinates before you're done. Remember to let the skin air dry before putting on the fresh one. I always forgot to place a spare nappy or cloth thus I always get sprayed. Most importantly when changing nappies, the baby is safely fasten or is not left alone to prevent him from falling or any accident. Always put one hand on baby that way he cant move about while you are taking the soiled nappy away. Prepare everything you need for the changing session and at arms length for baby's safety and convenience.



I still have not mastered the art of not getting sprayed on. Hmmm...maybe I still need to get a lot of rest. I think I should go and get that cat nap while baby is still asleep.

Powered by ScribeFire.

To Tell or Not To Tell

There were a lot of things we take for granted or we think we ought to have as a privilege for being legally bound to our partner.



I was asked one time if it is okay to open one's mail or even read a text message addressed to one's spouse. I advised that it is highly unethical and creates a bad impression that you don't trust your own spouse. If there are children around, what kind of values are you showing to your kids?



Even though two people have gotten married doesn't mean one has every right to a full disclosure of the other partner's activities etcetera. Even the family's monthly bills if it is addressed to the other partner you still have to wait and ask permission to open it though you share to pay for it. Preposterous it may sound but that is the proper thing to do.



We should never forget to give our 100% trust and respect to our partners and that includes giving them personal space and privacy. One of the nice things about being married to someone is we have a lifetime to spend getting to know each other, help each other become better and grow old knowing we have someone whom we can trust and lean on.

Powered by ScribeFire.

A Woman’s Ball Game?

A lot of misconception about couples having a baby is that it is all about the mother-to-be. Well technically since it’s the woman who is getting pregnant and going through a lot of physical changes that all the focus is on her. But she must not face this all by herself. The male partner and soon-to-be-father is very much important. You guys thought that your role would just be shouting on the top of your lungs that your partner is pregnant. And then later on when reality sinks in you would feel left out because all of your friends and relatives and even strangers are more concerned to your bloated partner. She gets solicitous attention and consideration more than you do. Pregnant fathers do feel this way. They may not be going through the physical changes that their partner is experiencing but pregnant fathers are going through a lot of emotional upheavals too. It is but natural for fathers to maintain a strong façade despite feeling lonely and stressed out.

I remember my husband being so ecstatic when he first learned that I was pregnant. He was so jubilant that he hugged our Labrador, tossed her up and carried her around the room like a Christmas gift given by Santa himself. Poor doggy she got so exhausted afterwards. My husband couldn’t help himself despite our solemn pact not to tell a soul that I am pregnant. I’m kind of selfish at that time. I felt that this great joy of having a baby for the first time would just be enjoyed by me and my husband. Of course I’m aware that there’s no such thing as keeping pregnancy a secret even for a short while. I just wanted to savor that moment. With puppy eyes he swore he would not tell a soul. The next morning I got calls from his side of relatives asking me about my pregnancy. There goes our solemn pact.

My husband did his best to help me cope with my pregnancy. Addressing my needs, such as accompanying me to the bathroom in the middle of the night to answer nature’s call, help me with the heavy chores at home, going out late at night to answer my hunger pangs, etc. But aside from the physical challenges that he assisted me with, he is there to give me some emotional encouragements as well. You could say I’m having a great pregnancy and enjoying every bit of experience I get. Well I truly but I forgot one thing, my husband. My pregnancy is so centered on me that I forgot to let me husband in on the fun. I thought that if I’m happy he is happy as well. I thought wrong. One night he confide in me that he felt jealous about me getting pregnant and to the baby inside me because we get all the attention and care and none for him. He felt like an outsider. I was truly surprised to know his true feelings but was glad that he communicated these things to me. Expectant fathers can also be a part of this wonderful experience. I gave him the emotional support he needs. I make sure that every experience I am feeling he would know about it and feel it as well. I let him feel my bulging stomach and describe to him what it feels like when our baby moves. I told him how grateful I am that he is always around to support me and our baby.

It is important not to neglect the expectant father. In order for him to be part of the process he must establish a contact. Letting him feel the baby kick inside the womb, talking to the baby and helping him know what is going on inside. You can also talk with your husband about the things you have read about pregnancy, the developments you are experiencing inside and out. That way he could have a vivid mental picture of everything especially your baby and make a connection. As a result you are truly sharing the wonderful experience you have with your husband. Pregnancy after all is not just a woman’s ball game.

Pregnancy Checklist

I am fond of scheduling my activities and putting things on a checklist that way I get to know what has been accomplished and what’s not. Being pregnant for the first time is not an exception. Since I have no idea what to do as an expecting mom I have listed some things which are important to my pregnancy.

Here is a checklist for early pregnancy that might be useful to you too, especially for first time moms:

• Schedule your first prenatal visit with your practitioner when you’re about nine weeks along. Your doctor will schedule you for an appointment after your very first visit (the day you found out that you’re pregnant). Plan on seeing your practitioner every four weeks.
• Avoid alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. These things are very dangerous to the developing fetus inside you. I have also included coffee and chocolate but have caffeine in it that is not good for the baby as well.
• If you’re a coffee drinker and couldn’t seem to give this habit up, cut back and switch to decaf or you may try herbal or decaffeinated tea.
• If your immunizations are not up to date, let your practitioner know. You will be advised to take some important vaccines like tetanus vaccine and if necessary vaccines for hepatitis as well.
• Drink lots of fluids, especially water (8 to 10 glasses a day).
• Stick to a diet naturally high in folic acid like oranges, melon, dark green vegetables. Folic acid is necessary to help develop baby’s brain.
• Eat plenty of iron-rich foods like whole grains, beans, raisins and nuts.
• Keep your blood sugar level at a certain level advised by your practitioner because diabetes in pregnancy is also common.
• As a general rule, avoid medication and consult with your doctor before taking any. Taking medication without your doctor’s advise is very dangerous to your baby.
• Get plenty of sleep, and try to nap if you feel tired during the day. This is not a problem for me because I sleep most of the time during my pregnancy.
• Exercise moderately. Don’t start a new exercise regimen when you’re pregnant, and be careful not to become overheated for prolonged periods.
• If your family has a history of genetic disorders, consider prenatal testing and inform your practitioner about this so he could monitor early the progress of your baby’s development.
• Start budgeting for your new life with baby.
• Choose a place to give birth (Hospital? birthing center? home?).
• Consider starting a pregnancy diary and having someone to take a picture of you (and your expanding belly) each month. Its fun and nice to see the changes happening within you through the photos. I got tons of photos myself and have enjoyed reminiscing my pregnant days.
• Refrain from getting perms, dyes and other treatments involving heavy chemicals.
• Buy some loose fitting and comfortable clothes and a pair of flat comfortable, well-cushioned shoes.
• Get smart. Buy a few pregnancy books. Having a lot of useful information on pregnancy is a tremendous help in taking care of yourself and your baby. It pays to be well-informed.

I know the above list may seem endlessly long and a lot. But once you get to do those things listed you wouldn’t even realize it. Remember you’re a mommy now, we need to focus on the things that’s important for the baby and ourselves.

From Couple to Parents: Farewell to the Good Old Days?

In my previous blog I wrote about having saved for our future bundle of joy. Taking care of the financial aspects of having a baby is not the only base that needs to be covered. Though I am not saying we should neglect this or take it lightly as well. Covering the financial aspect is also important because having a baby is one costly endeavor in one’s family life. Visits to the doctor alone for ante-natal check ups could really take up on one’s budget. Even more challenging once the baby is born. Aside from this there are other things you have to consider like yourself and your partner. Are you ready to be parents? Are you willing to sacrifice a lot of your free time for the baby?

Before the baby came we were couples. We are like dating on extended time. We have quiet romantic evenings spent at home, romantic dinners in town, watching movies, late-nights out or spend late mornings in bed. It was so much fun and very enjoyable being a couple. Then I got pregnant. A lot of things have started to change. I would get up late at night to wee or be awaken due to hunger pangs. My husband has to get up as well to help me out of the bed and put on my bedroom sleepers before I could go to the bathroom and answer nature’s call. When I’m hungry he would definitely accompany me to the kitchen to prepare something to satisfy my appetite. Or worse if there’s none that I like inside the refrigerator we have to go out and find something that appeals my now enormous palette. Losing sleep is not a small matter especially if need to get up and work the following day.

Gone are the days when we could spend late nights in town. There’s no “us” or “you and I” in the relationship anymore. The relationship turned to “we” which includes our unborn baby developing inside me. Even our conversation is centered on the baby. Our activities for that matter are centered on the baby. We no longer go out on dates because it might not be safe for the baby and we also have to avoid spending excessively for ourselves. Every dime we got must be saved for the baby. These are little sacrifices that we make. At first it was a bit difficult then we talked it out amongst ourselves how this has affected to us as couples. In the end we have to do this if we want to be parents to our baby. We may not be the world’s greatest parents but at least the best to our child. I am very grateful as well that my husband keeps the communication link between us open. Otherwise these changes we are going through could really put a strain in our relationship. He makes it a point that we talk constantly what’s in our mind and heart.

Just because we are having a baby doesn’t mean that we could never be couples again. There may be limited freedom of movement, true, but it has expanded immeasurably. Couple-hood becomes an important ingredient in the marriage more so if there are children around. The love, respect and emotional support that you and your partner give towards each other strengthens the bond of family. Someone advised us that even if we have kids we should never lose that spark in our relationship. That spark plays a tremendous role in our kids too. If our kids sees their parents as loving couples it gives them that sense of security and a positive outlook in life that the world is a wonderful place to live in. The children will have a pattern of marital relations to guide them when they are adults. This is not to say that children can’t grow up to be healthy with only one parent; many do. I have friends who are single parents and their children grew up magnificently. If they lack a father, they create one – in their imagination – from what they remember, what their mother has told them and the appealing characteristics of friendly men they see from time to time. The synthetic father can supply fairly well the masculine image they need. Similarly, a child without a mother creates one from memory, family stories and relationships with other women. Certainly it would be a great mistake for a parent to make a hasty, unsuitable marriage just to provide a child with a second parent.

Of course, parents are individuals too with needs. Just because we are now parents doesn’t mean no longer need romance. We still need to be hugged, cuddled and loved by our partners. We can always set aside a portion of our busy schedule to go out on dates just the two of us rekindling the spark in our relationship. A simple squeeze in the shoulder followed by the assuring words of “I love you” is already enough for me to give me strength to battle the day that lay before me. Other inexpensive ways of showing your romantic side to your partner would be hugging, surprising her with stolen kisses, a note of love or better a poem tucked underneath her pillow and a lot more. Just don’t hesitate to give those things to your partner. We were never shy to give these all out while we are still on the courtship stage how much more we are now bound to each other. So give it all you’ve got. When you come home from work give your partner a hug and a kiss you’ll be surprised with the effects it gives.

I’m Having a Baby!

Usually having missed one’s menstrual period is the most common signs of pregnancy. A missed period is the best known sign of pregnancy. Even my husband instantly concluded that I am pregnant when I told him so. There are other symptoms that can let a woman know if she’s pregnant or not even before she become aware of her missed period, like:

• sickness and/or feelings of nausea
• a strange taste in your mouth, sometimes described as 'metallic'
• breast tenderness, tingling and enlargement
• the small 'bumps' on your nipples becoming more obvious - these are 'Montgomery's tubercules', which secrete an oily fluid in preparation for breastfeeding
• stomach pains
• tiredness
• constipation
• needing to wee more often
• going off certain things, such as coffee and fatty foods
• increased vaginal discharge

Others experience very light bleeding (called 'spotting'). This can make you feel as though you haven't missed your period. In my case, missing my period was the prominent symptom that my husband and I have noticed plus the ten home pregnancy tests that I have taken and the confirmation from our doctor.

After confirming one or all of the symptoms above it is best to take a home pregnancy test to be scientific and accurate about your hunch. Pregnancy tests are very accurate and reliable that is if administered properly. You must read, understand and follow what the instructions said in the package. It’s really easy and simple. Home pregnancy tests are inexpensive and readily available. You can buy it in a pharmacy, family planning clinics, from your favorite doctor or in some health centers.

How does this piece of plastic stick commonly called Home Pregnancy Test work?

The tests work by detecting the hormone human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG) in your urine. A chemical in the plastic stick changes color when it comes into contact with this hormone, so the usual way of testing is to wee on the end of the stick and watch for the result in the little window. It usually turns red when you are positively pregnant.

Home pregnancy tests can be used two to three weeks after you think you may have conceived or on the first day of your missed period. Use one sooner than this and you may not get a reliable result.

Again pregnancy tests are very accurate as long as you use them properly. It's possible to have a 'false negative', when the test says you aren't pregnant when you are. If your period still doesn't arrive, repeat the test or check with your doctor.

It's also possible that a first pregnancy test will show a positive result, but a later one doesn't. Or the test may show a positive but then your period arrives. Your period may be heavier than you're used to, which may mean your pregnancy has been lost. This is a very early miscarriage, and is probably a way of protecting the body from hanging on to a damaged embryo. It doesn't mean you won't conceive again.

Once you have determined that you are positively pregnant you need to visit your medical practitioner so that you and your baby will be given the best possible care during your pregnancy. It is important to see an OB/Gyn early on to know if you are having a safe pregnancy and if there are any complications it will be determined early on. Your doctor will help you determine when you’re due. The length of your pregnancy is dated from the first day of your last period, even though you actually conceive two weeks or so after this date (depending on the length of your cycle). Your baby is likely to be born two weeks either side of the due date. So it is best to know and have a record of your menstrual cycles.

Disclaimer: Parenting And Beyond site is provided for your general information only. Some contents are based on the writer’s personal experiences. The information contained on this site should not be treated as a substitute for medical, legal or other professional advice. Parenting And Beyond is not responsible or liable for the contents of any websites of third parties which are listed on this site.