Breaking My Schedule

A schedule freak that’s what I am. I have always put my life on a planner. Anything that’s not written in my planner is doomed to be forgotten or excluded. So when my boyfriend popped the big question everything came swirling all around me. All my plans and schedules lay before me. I made a quick mental scan if I can squeeze in marriage in my schedules. I have waited for this moment. I have waited for him to ask me that question a long time ago to the point of keeping my plans and schedules open just in case he will propose and to avoid conflict with my personal plans.

I have been waiting for him to ask me that. A year had passed and no proposal came. In our conversations he usually mentioned about marriage life being a lifetime commitment and should not be decided in haste. That when a person gets married he or she must make sure to be emotionally, psychologically and financially ready. Love is not the only ingredient. So I took a hint. He is not ready to be tied. Thus I took up my planner and started making plans of what I’m going to do with my life.

Now that he asked me to be his wife I was speechless. Shall I say yes? If I get married with him will I still get to accomplish what I have written in my planner? Gosh…. I hope nothing would come in conflict with my plans. Here it goes…. “Yes! I will marry you.” With sweat, nervousness and all he smiled a mile wide and placed the engagement ring onto my ring finger.It was February 14, the day of love.

Our dating days from then on was spent on planning for our big day and what will happen after that. I am very concerned about not accomplishing the things I planned for myself, the things I’ve written in my planner. I informed him that it would be better to spend two years as married couple without kids yet. That way it would give us plenty of time to really get to know each other --- all our sweet side, dark side, insanities and stupidities. He agreed and promised. Other things were also discussed like the financial aspect of the relationship. Who will control the money and budget? This is a very touchy subject matter because we really have to be honest on how much we are earning and other matters relating to money. With our earnings combined we have put on schedule all our payables and how much savings we are able to make.

Now that we are married, a lot of things have to be taken into consideration. I no longer plan without consulting my better half. During the honeymoon stage, that is the first 100 days of marriage life, everything is on cloud nine. It feels like we are still dating on extended time. As days passed my husband started to appreciate the babies and kids playing in our neighborhood.

He started to get envious of fathers carrying their tots around. Later on, having kids became part of every conversation we are having. I have always reminded him of his promise that we will have one after the second year of our marriage. Having kids needs meticulous planning and resolute commitment. We started saving for our future bundle of joy. We mostly concentrated on the financial part of having a baby. We forgot that there are other important matters that must be taken into consideration as well. This was realized when I missed my period. I shall put this on a separate blog.

Even my monthly period is right on schedule. See that’s how I am. When I missed my period for the first time I got frantic. You would think that the first thing that came to mind was that I’m pregnant. Oh no, actually I thought I was sick or that there’s something wrong with my uterus or something like that. This explains why I missed my period. When I told my husband about this he gave me that same smile that day I said yes to marry him. “What?” I asked. He said, “You’re pregnant!” “We’re having a baby!” “Are you sure?” I asked back. We went out to buy several home pregnancy tests to verify his hunch. After taking the first test it didn’t came out 100% positive because the color is not so clear. But it still came out red. According to the instructions in the package if the color is not so clear it could indicate that I could be pregnant. It’s best taken early in the morning. I told my husband to wait till morning before I do the test again. But no he couldn’t wait that long. He asked me to take it again. I took it again. I got varied results. My sister suggested to buy the ones that would only give me a yes-no answer. So we bought another sets of home pregnancy tests again that night. After another five tests and a visit to the doctor the following morning I was confirmed pregnant.

My husband did not follow the schedule we set on having kids. As much as I wanted to follow the schedules we set for ourselves. There are unexpected things that would come along and change it. My husband followed his heart. He fell in love with the babies he saw around him. He followed the beatings of his heart and not what was inked on our planner. From this experience I have learned to be flexible and not uptight, to give room for changes, for contingency, to enjoy the things that would come unexpectedly and just be ready to accept it with gratitude. This is the second time I have made major adjustments to my plans. I expect this is not the last either. Not everybody is blessed to have kids of their own. I am glad we are given this opportunity.

Fat and Pregnant

Before I got married I am very conscious about how I look. I adored the skinny look but mind you I am not an anorexic nor any close to those eating disorder problems. Firstly, I have never been really fat. I was thinking that if I gain weight I would grow heavy and if I grow heavy I could never do the things that I love let alone carry myself to anywhere i want. I weight myself every week to check if the scales have ticked to undesired weight. I exercised a lot just to keep my self to my ideal skinny look.

When I got married everything became a concern particularly gaining weight. My folks always teased me that I will finally get the chance to fill in some meat inside that skin of mine I call body. Few months later the dreaded thing happen. I got pregnant. I am very happy, of course, that my husband and I are going to be parents. I was so happy, floating to cloud nine happy. I couldn't believe I could be pregnant. That I am capable of procreating! A few weeks later, reality sinked in. My husband always reminded me to be careful because I am carrying our little tyke inside me. Thus I can no longer sprint nor do wall climbing at our local sports center.

When I hit the scales, imagine to my horror! I gained not a few grams or a pound. I became heavy. I got worried. My loving husband always assured me that I look fine and that I have that motherly glow--- whatever that is. He is so proud of me that I took care of myself and our baby.

I then consulted my doctor about my exercising. She said I can still do some exercises that is not too strenuous to endanger me and the baby. Exercising helps especially during delivery. So the best I could come up with is walking. With my bulging tummy I could hardly get myself to wear a bathing suit to take a few laps in the public pool. This is also attributed to my paranoia that I might get infections and other dreaded diseases while swimming in the public pool which could endanger my baby.

With this line of thinking, it finally hit me that I am becoming a mommy. I am no longer the selfish and vain skinny girl that I used to be. I became resolute to help my baby develop inside me well and healthy to give him a good chance at life. I ate a lot vegetables, I drank plenty of water, do some walk exercises and read a lot of articles on pregnancy.

Days passed and I could hardly recognize the person standing in front of the mirror. I grew so big and could hardly see my own toes. I am still conscious about my weight though. I make it a point that I am within the limits approved by my doctor.

Becoming a mother has slowly changed my way of thinking. My pregnancy alone have put on hold my personal interests. So what if I have grown big. I can always shed the pounds I gained after giving birth to my precious baby.

I am so proud having a bloated tummy. Being fat and pregnant is not horrible after all. In fact it is one of the happiest moments of my life and I bet there's more to come when my baby comes out.