A Woman’s Ball Game?

A lot of misconception about couples having a baby is that it is all about the mother-to-be. Well technically since it’s the woman who is getting pregnant and going through a lot of physical changes that all the focus is on her. But she must not face this all by herself. The male partner and soon-to-be-father is very much important. You guys thought that your role would just be shouting on the top of your lungs that your partner is pregnant. And then later on when reality sinks in you would feel left out because all of your friends and relatives and even strangers are more concerned to your bloated partner. She gets solicitous attention and consideration more than you do. Pregnant fathers do feel this way. They may not be going through the physical changes that their partner is experiencing but pregnant fathers are going through a lot of emotional upheavals too. It is but natural for fathers to maintain a strong façade despite feeling lonely and stressed out.

I remember my husband being so ecstatic when he first learned that I was pregnant. He was so jubilant that he hugged our Labrador, tossed her up and carried her around the room like a Christmas gift given by Santa himself. Poor doggy she got so exhausted afterwards. My husband couldn’t help himself despite our solemn pact not to tell a soul that I am pregnant. I’m kind of selfish at that time. I felt that this great joy of having a baby for the first time would just be enjoyed by me and my husband. Of course I’m aware that there’s no such thing as keeping pregnancy a secret even for a short while. I just wanted to savor that moment. With puppy eyes he swore he would not tell a soul. The next morning I got calls from his side of relatives asking me about my pregnancy. There goes our solemn pact.

My husband did his best to help me cope with my pregnancy. Addressing my needs, such as accompanying me to the bathroom in the middle of the night to answer nature’s call, help me with the heavy chores at home, going out late at night to answer my hunger pangs, etc. But aside from the physical challenges that he assisted me with, he is there to give me some emotional encouragements as well. You could say I’m having a great pregnancy and enjoying every bit of experience I get. Well I truly but I forgot one thing, my husband. My pregnancy is so centered on me that I forgot to let me husband in on the fun. I thought that if I’m happy he is happy as well. I thought wrong. One night he confide in me that he felt jealous about me getting pregnant and to the baby inside me because we get all the attention and care and none for him. He felt like an outsider. I was truly surprised to know his true feelings but was glad that he communicated these things to me. Expectant fathers can also be a part of this wonderful experience. I gave him the emotional support he needs. I make sure that every experience I am feeling he would know about it and feel it as well. I let him feel my bulging stomach and describe to him what it feels like when our baby moves. I told him how grateful I am that he is always around to support me and our baby.

It is important not to neglect the expectant father. In order for him to be part of the process he must establish a contact. Letting him feel the baby kick inside the womb, talking to the baby and helping him know what is going on inside. You can also talk with your husband about the things you have read about pregnancy, the developments you are experiencing inside and out. That way he could have a vivid mental picture of everything especially your baby and make a connection. As a result you are truly sharing the wonderful experience you have with your husband. Pregnancy after all is not just a woman’s ball game.

From Couple to Parents: Farewell to the Good Old Days?

In my previous blog I wrote about having saved for our future bundle of joy. Taking care of the financial aspects of having a baby is not the only base that needs to be covered. Though I am not saying we should neglect this or take it lightly as well. Covering the financial aspect is also important because having a baby is one costly endeavor in one’s family life. Visits to the doctor alone for ante-natal check ups could really take up on one’s budget. Even more challenging once the baby is born. Aside from this there are other things you have to consider like yourself and your partner. Are you ready to be parents? Are you willing to sacrifice a lot of your free time for the baby?

Before the baby came we were couples. We are like dating on extended time. We have quiet romantic evenings spent at home, romantic dinners in town, watching movies, late-nights out or spend late mornings in bed. It was so much fun and very enjoyable being a couple. Then I got pregnant. A lot of things have started to change. I would get up late at night to wee or be awaken due to hunger pangs. My husband has to get up as well to help me out of the bed and put on my bedroom sleepers before I could go to the bathroom and answer nature’s call. When I’m hungry he would definitely accompany me to the kitchen to prepare something to satisfy my appetite. Or worse if there’s none that I like inside the refrigerator we have to go out and find something that appeals my now enormous palette. Losing sleep is not a small matter especially if need to get up and work the following day.

Gone are the days when we could spend late nights in town. There’s no “us” or “you and I” in the relationship anymore. The relationship turned to “we” which includes our unborn baby developing inside me. Even our conversation is centered on the baby. Our activities for that matter are centered on the baby. We no longer go out on dates because it might not be safe for the baby and we also have to avoid spending excessively for ourselves. Every dime we got must be saved for the baby. These are little sacrifices that we make. At first it was a bit difficult then we talked it out amongst ourselves how this has affected to us as couples. In the end we have to do this if we want to be parents to our baby. We may not be the world’s greatest parents but at least the best to our child. I am very grateful as well that my husband keeps the communication link between us open. Otherwise these changes we are going through could really put a strain in our relationship. He makes it a point that we talk constantly what’s in our mind and heart.

Just because we are having a baby doesn’t mean that we could never be couples again. There may be limited freedom of movement, true, but it has expanded immeasurably. Couple-hood becomes an important ingredient in the marriage more so if there are children around. The love, respect and emotional support that you and your partner give towards each other strengthens the bond of family. Someone advised us that even if we have kids we should never lose that spark in our relationship. That spark plays a tremendous role in our kids too. If our kids sees their parents as loving couples it gives them that sense of security and a positive outlook in life that the world is a wonderful place to live in. The children will have a pattern of marital relations to guide them when they are adults. This is not to say that children can’t grow up to be healthy with only one parent; many do. I have friends who are single parents and their children grew up magnificently. If they lack a father, they create one – in their imagination – from what they remember, what their mother has told them and the appealing characteristics of friendly men they see from time to time. The synthetic father can supply fairly well the masculine image they need. Similarly, a child without a mother creates one from memory, family stories and relationships with other women. Certainly it would be a great mistake for a parent to make a hasty, unsuitable marriage just to provide a child with a second parent.

Of course, parents are individuals too with needs. Just because we are now parents doesn’t mean no longer need romance. We still need to be hugged, cuddled and loved by our partners. We can always set aside a portion of our busy schedule to go out on dates just the two of us rekindling the spark in our relationship. A simple squeeze in the shoulder followed by the assuring words of “I love you” is already enough for me to give me strength to battle the day that lay before me. Other inexpensive ways of showing your romantic side to your partner would be hugging, surprising her with stolen kisses, a note of love or better a poem tucked underneath her pillow and a lot more. Just don’t hesitate to give those things to your partner. We were never shy to give these all out while we are still on the courtship stage how much more we are now bound to each other. So give it all you’ve got. When you come home from work give your partner a hug and a kiss you’ll be surprised with the effects it gives.